There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
