i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
