You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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