I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
