i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
