I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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