i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
