I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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