He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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