New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize