i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
