You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
