I'm going to jail i love you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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