I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
