Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I could fuck to npr.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
