that's an acceptable place to lick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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