I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
