I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm passing your future prison.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
