EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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