He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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