Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
