a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize