What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
