It's Friday. Sex?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
