My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
