It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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