why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
