i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
