I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
