i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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