So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
