i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize