2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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