We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
