So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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