Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
