Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize