from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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