I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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