you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
