I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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