i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
