I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
