I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
