I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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