When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The power of my boobs compel you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
