You made me cry and you don't even care
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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