Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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