I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
