he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
