You just made me feel so damn special
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
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