Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize