i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
