Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
