This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
