Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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