hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
