Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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