Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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