I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize