OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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