3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found the puke drawer
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
