it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize