Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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