I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
