Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
